So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
