I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize