We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
