I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
