The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
