yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
