Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
