The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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