I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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