When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
