Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
