I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
