That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
