So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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