Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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