I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
