i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
