When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
