Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
