May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
