Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
