Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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