I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
