Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
