I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
