you traded sex for a burrito?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
