everyone is single if you try hard enough
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you never un-have a 4some
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
