i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
