the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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