Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
