Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
