and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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