I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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