I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
