am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
