Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
if only i could text you this smell
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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