Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
