she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
