Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
