i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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