I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I wear drunk well.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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