Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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