dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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