saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
