And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
