y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think my tv is drunk
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
