This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize