my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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