Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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