you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
