just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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