Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
