ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
