Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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