; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
