After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
