it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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