you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
