get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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