it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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