Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
