Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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