he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
