I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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