If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
