Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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