Cold hands, warm shart.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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