hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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