did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
