All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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