She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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