high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
