Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
