i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
