he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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