i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
