I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
