i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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