So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
