I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
