belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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