Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
