if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
