Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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