i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
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