And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
