My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
