Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
