I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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