how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize