Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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