I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
