my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize