I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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